Na No Da
by signsoflifestirring
Summary: There's a man hiding behind the childlike mask, and the one to bring him out is childlike himself. There is only one problem, Eiri Yuki. YukiXShuichi/ RyuichiXShuichi T rating for later on, just to be safe
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ryuichi was watching Bad Luck practice in the studio once again. His chestnut hair gleamed in the artificial light as he tilted his head. He wasn't so much paying attention to the band as to it's singer. He sighed, his blue eyes narrowed and intent, like when he sang. He wondered if Shuichi would know what to do if he saw the true face of Nittle Grasper's lead singer. _Probably not_, he thought with a sigh. When the studio light went off, he jumped up, letting the childlike facade fall onto his face. "Shu-chan, wanna get somethin to eat, na no da?"

"Oh.. I would Sakuma-san, but I am supposed to go see Yuki." The pink haired singer said enthusiastically. He patted the singer from Nittle Grasper's shoulder and ran down the hall, singing. Hiro and Kei noticed the dark narrowed eyes the singer trained on Shuichi's back.

Ryuichi ignored the worried looks Tohma and Nuriko were giving him as he tapped the beat of the song with his foot. It was something new, and he was bound and determined to get it right before they went home. Before he was alone again. He sighed as he stumbled over some of the wording again.

"Ryu-chan, why don't we call it for the night? You look beat. Go home, take a shower. We can pick it up tomorrow." Tohma said in a manner that told Ryuichi that there was going to be no arguing.

"Ja ne." Ryuichi said disheartened and picked up Kamugoro on his way out. He got into his sporty little car and took it for a spin, trying to clear his head. He knew that Shuichi was in love with Yuki, knew it when he met the kid. But he couldn't help but being drawn to the boy's shine. It was so much like his own. He blinked, circling a park and slowly parking when he saw a lonely figure on a bench. He climbed out of the car, grabbing Kamugoro. He smiled slightly as he hopped the bunny along and made it land on the bench. "What's wrong, Shu-chan?" He made Kamugoro speak.

"Yuki threw all my stuff out of the apartment and told me to get out. He changed the locks and has music on so he can't hear me. I don't have anywhere to go!" The pink-haired singer wailed.

"You could stay with Ryu-chan." Kamugoro said.

"I don't want to be a hassle to Sakuma-san." Shuichi whimpered, his eyes widening as Ryuichi took the bunny off of his hand and laid it on the bench. Violet eyes met blue ones and Shuichi was shocked to see the resemblance between Ryuichi's eyes and Yuki's. They both could be so hard and cold.

"You wouldn't be hassling me." Ryuichi said. "But if you catch a cold out here, I am going to be very upset, Shu-chan." Ryuichi stood up, picking up Kamugoro in his left hand and then held out his right to the pink-haired boy. "C'mon." He waited until Shuichi took his hand and led him to the sporty car, letting him sit in the passenger seat. He put Kamugoro down in the back carefully and then took off.

Shuichi stared up at the building, all shiny with windows and steel, obviously brand new. He barely was aware of the security guard greeting Ryuichi, or the brief talk Ryuichi had with the security about letting Shuichi in as his guest. He was too wrapped up in the thick white carpets and beautiful paintings on white walls to notice that Ryuichi had left Kamugoro in the car. He was only brought back to the present when Ryuichi started peeling his wet and cold clothes off of him. He yelped and pushed Ryuichi's hands away. "I can do that."

"No." Ryuichi said, quietly before moving Shuichi's hands and removing the drenched shirt. He set it on the navy blue and white tiled floor and then tugged the skin-tight wet pants off of Shuichi, who blushed. "Towels are in that cabinet, I will find you some clothes to wear." Ryuichi said wearily as he walked out of the bathroom and shut the door.

Shuichi stared at the door for a long moment and then stripped out of the boxers he had been wearing underneath and stepped into the shower. It was a very nice shower with a glass door, a place to sit under the water, and a plug to fill up the tub. He settled under the hot water, enjoying it. He heard the bathroom door open and then shut again. When he toweled off, he found a pair of sleep pants and an oversized t-shirt that had their band logo on it. He was surprised that Ryuichi would even own something like that. But he dressed in it, noticing his clothes were gone as well.

Ryuichi was finishing up a plate of cookies with hot cocoa, having always kept a roll of premade cookie dough in his refrigerator. He looked up when Shuichi came out of his bathroom, looking much better. "That's better, Shu-chan." He gestured to the couch, where he had put several pillows and blankets. "You can sleep there, or in the bed if you want." He said as he set the plate and hot cocoa on the bar and then jumped up, sitting next to them. "Get some cookies and some cocoa, while it's hot." He said quietly.

"Uh.... Sakuma-san... are you.. are you all right?" Shuichi hesitantly inquired. He had never seen Ryuichi this serious this long. Usually by now the singer was bouncing off the walls. He nibbled on one of the cookies and took a sip of the cocoa.

'Yeah, Shu-chan." Ryuichi said before sliding off the counter. "Bed or couch?"

"Couch." Shuichi said quickly, not wanting to kick Ryuichi out of his own bed.

"Ah. Good night, Shu-chan." Ryuichi said as he walked into the bedroom and shut the door, the light flickering for a moment before he turned it off.

Shuichi stared after the man that he thought of as god. There was seriously something wrong with Ryuichi, and he wanted to know what it was. But he was kind of afraid. He didn't want to admit that Ryuichi was human, that he wasn't some tireless singing god that was hyper all the time. But he couldn't help remembering the sad look in his idol's eyes. His hand rested on the door handle to the bedroom, but he heard Ryuichi talking and froze.

"Shu-chan is such a special person, Kamu-chan. I don't know how to explain that to him. He is in love with Eiri, but Eiri isn't any good for him. always kicking him out and calling him names. I hate the way Eiri treats him. But there isn't anything I can do, but be a friend and smile and cheer him up." Ryuichi shifted, the bed creaking, as he buried his face in his arms, sniffling.

Shuichi stared at the door, surprised at the depth of Ryuichi. He opened the door slowly, peering in. He couldn't stand the heartbreaking sobs coming from the other man, so he closed the door quietly and settled on the edge of the bed. He ran his fingers through the chestnut hair of the sobbing man, trying to find something to say, something to ease the man's pain. "Sakuma-san? What's wrong?" He said finally.

"Nothing." Ryuichi said, his voice muffled by his arms. He was surprised that Shuichi was in his room, let alone touching him and acting concerned. He shifted away from Shuichi's touch, and was startled when the younger singer tightened his grip in his hair.

"No. Really. What's wrong, Sakuma-san?" Shuichi tried again, his fingers tugging at the fine silky hair on Ryuichi's head.

"I can't tell you, Shu-chan." Ryuichi murmured, lifting his head to look up at Shuichi with big blue eyes.

"Sure you can. We are friends, aren't we, Sakuma-san?" Shuichi smiled, coaxing the older man.

"You never call me Ryu-chan." Ryuichi pouted.

"Ryu-chan, what is wrong?" Shuichi replied. He was surprised by the brilliant smile he got from the older man. "Well?"

"I just don't like how Shu-chan is sad all the time. Kamu-chan doesn't like either. We want to see the sparkle from Shu-chan all the time." Ryuichi said, putting on his childlike facade again. He was startled by the frown it produced from Shuichi. It was such a dark thing on the normally happy face of his friend. "What is wrong, Shu-chan?"

"Which Sa- Ryu-chan is real? The kiddie one? The serious one I see on stage? The strange mix I have seen tonight?" Shuichi felt like there was something that he wasn't understanding.

"All of the above." Ryuichi said quietly. "I am cute and innocent and kidlike because that is what the crowds want to see. I am serious when I sing because it makes me mysterious and adds to the show. The mix is because I don't know how to act towards you. I worry about you, I miss your smile when it is gone. I know you don't think of me like that, but I can't help but feel that way about you. Sometimes when I see you singing I get goosebumps because it is so transparent, your heart, it's like glass. I can see the raw emotion and the tenderness and you just shine." Ryuichi blurted out trying not to think about what he was saying.

Shuichi didn't know what to say. It was true, utterly true. He loved Yuki with all his heart, yet... yet... He had always found Ryuichi Sakuma amazing in every way. He opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. Finally he spoke. "If wasn't for you I would still be in that house without love. I would never had tried to achieve my dream. I would never had known I wanted to sing. You.. opened my world up." He said slowly, trying to sift through the emotions he was feeling. "The way you always shined on the stage. I wanted to mimic it for so long. I wanted to be just like you."

Ryuichi smiled, a sad little thing. "Shuichi, you could surpass me in a heartbeat, if you had someone stable standing behind you." He was sure it was true. But he knew as long as Yuki played games, as long as things were unstable and Shuichi was unsure of himself he would never reach his potential. "Go to bed, Shu-chan." Ryuichi said softly. He gave the younger man a soft push toward the door and smiled lazily. "You have a big day ahead of you."

Shuichi was confused as the older man pushed him out of the room gently and shut the door. He stared at the wood for a long time, trying to figure out what had just happened in that room.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Hiro watched his best friend's plastic smile bob up and down. He had worried about his friend this morning, since he was even later than usual. Kei didn't seem to be too concerned, so the red head put it out of his mind and focused on his guitar solo that was coming up.

At the break Shuichi sat down, resting his head against the table. Suguru stepped away from his synthesizer and took a long drink of water, watching Shuichi with narrowed eyes. "So when are you going to start wailing?" He blurted out, unable to take any more of the dramatic silence.

"I... don't think I am." Shuichi said quietly, which made the other three denizens in the room jerk in surprise. "Yuki made it very clear he doesn't want me anymore." Shuichi rubbed his forehead. "But Sakuma-san was very kind and let me sleep at his place last night. I think I will move back in with my parents."

"Ryuichi let you stay at his place?!" Kei suddenly exploded. He knew Ryuichi liked the singer but he didn't think his former ward would take it that far. Sakano and Kei suddenly had visions of debauchery going on at Sakuma's place.

"Yeah. He let me borrow some clothes while mine dried and let me sleep on his couch. It was really nice." Shuichi said, a bright smile on his face. Kei's hand twitched as he reached for his gun, but Sakano stopped him.

"We need him intact, Kei-san." Sakano said, pushing his glasses up.

"Delivery for Shindou-san." A girl in a white jumpsuit said, carrying in a vase full of flowers. "The card's in the flowers." She smiled and left.

Shuichi blinked. Who would be sending him flowers. He walked over, noticing that they weren't real flowers, but candies shaped to look like flowers. He pulled the card from the holder. "Sparkle, Shuichi." He read. That could only be one person's doing. He smiled and tucked the card into his pocket. For the rest of the day he would reach into his pocket and touch the card whenever the feelings started to get to be too much. He could do this, he had decided.

Finally, lunchtime rolled around and Shuichi bounded out of the room, expecting to see Ryuichi, as he had every day for a long time now. But the hallway was empty and he sighed, his head lowering. Suguru and Hiro dropped an arm on each side of him and practically drug him down to the cafeteria. They stopped suddenly, pulling him back, at the sight before them.

Ryuichi was talking to Yuki with a cold and determined look on his face. Yuki was heatedly talking back. Both men had tense backs and looked as though violence would erupt at any moment. They couldn't hear what was being said, but it ended when Yuki looked over, lifting an elegant blond eyebrow. The author strode over and put his hand on Shuichi's head.

"Come back." He said softly, not looking at Shuichi, but rather at the wall over his head. Hiro saw Ryuichi's eyes narrow and watch the two with intent.

"Really?!" Shuichi exclaimed. "Really really?! You mean it, Yuki?!"

"Don't make me change my mind, Brat." Yuki murmured.

"I will be home after work!" Shuichi smiled that bright smile and hugged the author, who stood there stoicly.

Ryuichi's form seemed to slump, and while Shuichi's back was turned from him, he ran out of the room. Hiro couldn't help but notice the smile on Yuki's face and wondered what was between the two.

Tohma stared at the chestnut haired singer as he sat dejectedly, unmoving, in a chair in the studio. Something was tearing up Ryuichi, but not even Noriko could get it out of him. Which was highly unusual. He looked at the other synth player and she smiled, leaving the room to get something to drink. "Ryu-chan, what is it?" He sat down next to the singer, dropping his arm over the man's shoulders.

"It hurts, Tohma-chan. It hurts so much." The lead singer of Nittle Grasper whimpered. Tohma Seguchi's eyes narrowed.

"What hurts, Ryu-chan?" He murmured into his friend's ear. He might not love Ryuichi like he did Yuki, but he still cared about him as a friend, and wouldn't let anyone hurt him, especially not on purpose.

"My chest." Ryuichi choked back a sob. "My chest hurts."

Tohma jumped at the pain in his friend's voice and pulled Ryuichi into a hug. "Why?" He blurted out, wanting an answer as to why his friend was so tormented.

"Shu-chan went back with Eiri." Ryuichi responded, the quiver in his voice telling his friend he was on the verge of crying.

"What does Kamugoro say about it?" Noriko asked the singer from the door of the studio. Tohma was glad she was back. She always knew what to say to Ryuichi to cheer him up or help him in a situation. Tohma always felt like he was all thumbs with Ryuichi.

"Kamu-chan says that if Shu-chan is happy I should be." Ryuichi said, sniffling.

"Sounds like good advice to me, Ryu-chan." Noriko said, settling into another chair beside Ryuichi. "Just focus on the music for now, ok?" Noriko smiled and ran her fingers through chestnut locks before getting up and playing a little tune on her synthesizer.

Ryuichi poured his heart and soul into singing, as usual, and even Tohma was touched by the raggedness in his voice. When they finally stopped it was night and Tohma and Noriko smiled at Ryuichi, but he just waved and headed for the door, taking Kamugoro with him.

The apartment seemed lonely without the soft breathing of the pink-haired singer of Bad Luck, and he had only been there one day. Ryuichi didn't bother cooking the cookie dough, but ate it like ice cream. He patted Kamugoro and put the bunny to bed before falling into his own. He slept in a deep dreamless slumber, unaware of the moisture on his face.

Shuichi stumbled, staring at the blond man. Yuki was normally cold, but not like this. Shuichi shut the door to the author's study and slid down the front of it, wrapping his arms around his legs. He had been so happy that Yuki had wanted him back he hadn't even thought about why he would be talking to Ryuichi, what they could be possibly saying to each other. He fell asleep, resting half on and half off of the couch.

Yuki gazed at the pink-haired man and picked him up laying him on the couch. He laid the blanket over his lover and sat on the couch, leaning his head back against the back. He sucked on the cigarette in his hand and then let the smoke puff out slowly. Perhaps it was a good thing that Ryuichi Sakuma had come up to him and demanded him either to take care of Shuichi or to let him go. Yuki had tried quelling the stubborn, jealous bastard in him that wanted to tell Ryuichi that Suichi was his and that was never going to change. But his green-eyed monster had only gotten more and more out of control the longer they had talked, and when he had seen Shuichi he didn't know what had come over him, but he walked right over and demanded for him to come back. He looked at Shuichi, wondering what in the world had made him do that.


	3. Chapter 3

Shuichi brushed the sweat off his face and looked over at the candy bouquet. He hadn't seen or heard from Ryuichi today, which was strange, because he usually saw him at least once before he left the building. He paused at the door, staring at the bouquet, realizing he never did get to thank Ryuichi for it. Tohma's voice caught his attention and he slunk into the doorway, trying to hide in the few shadows that were there.

"Didn't you at least think this through a little bit? You aren't just hurting yourself anymore with this strange fascination."

"Of course I thought it through." Yuki's mellow, if chilly response resounded through the halls. "And who else could possibly be hurt by this?"

"Ryuichi of course! As if you didn't know!" Tohma sounded _peeved_ at Yuki. A sound that Shuichi wasn't sure he could believe he was hearing.

"I was unaware that he had anything to do with this affair." Yuki's voice was full of arrogance, frozen and tempered, as if he knew this accusation was coming. Shuichi was confused, but he cowered further into the doorway as the two men walked by. "It really is not any of your business, nor his, whether or not I continue my relationship with Shuichi."

"He is part of my company, it is a little my business." Tohma replied, and Shuichi heard a little bit of a threat in those words.

He couldn't go the way they just came, not now, not without looking like he was spying on them. So he went up instead. The roof had a strong breeze blowing when he got up there and it tore through his pink hair, which was a bit of a relief. At least he was cooler when the wind was blowing. He looked out over the edge, staring down at the city.

"Are you going to jump?" A voice came from above, causing Shuichi to jerk in surprise. He looked over his shoulder, trying to find the origin of the voice. Ryuichi was sitting on one of the fan coverings, his arms wrapped around his knees. He looked like he hadn't slept, and Kamugoro was sitting beside him, a little worse for wear.

"Uh, no." Shuichi responded slowly, more than a little confused. "Where have you been? Why are you up here, Sakuma-san?"

Ryuichi slowly untangled himself, standing up and stretching. His cheeks were more than a little hollow, and he looked like he hadn't changed his clothes. It was then that Shuichi realized, he hadn't changed his clothes. And his hair was messy because he hadn't brushed it. What was going on with Ryuichi?

"I slept in today, and I am playing hooky." Ryuichi replied quietly, his blue eyes glittering fiercely. Almost as if he dared Shuichi to say anything about it.

Shuichi stared up at his idol, wondering how to deal with all of this. Something was wrong with Ryuichi, but Shuichi had no idea how to even ask. He stared until the sun shone in his eyes and then he squinted them tight together, which threw him off balance. He leaned backward and took a step back, which caused him to open his eyes wide, since it found the edge of the building.

Ryuichi's heart pounded as he leapt from the fan covering, landing with the grace that was natural to him, well since he had spent so many hours working on routine and nearly falling off stages. He darted forward. He caught Shuichi's arm and yanked, throwing his entire body backward with the motion.

It caused Shuichi to fall forward, thankfully. And they landed in a heap, Shuichi on top of Ryuichi, both panting, laying there, trembling with fear and surprise. The pink haired singer of Bad Luck looked down at the brown haired singer of Nittle Grasper, shaking like a leaf.

"Th- Thanks, Sakuma-san." He whimpered, clinging to the man, fear making his heart race and his breath come quickly. Or at least, he blamed it on fear. It might have been the precarious situation they were in.

"D-don't mention it, Shu-chan." Ryuichi gasped out, wrapping an arm around the pink haired young man. He knew his heart was racing, but whether it was from the dangerous situation, or having his object of affection so close, that was uncertain.

After a couple of awkward moments, Ryuichi let Shuichi out of his grasp. The singer struggled to his feet and breathed a sigh, looking at the edge of the building with suspicion, as if it were out to grab him and pull him to the street below. He offered Ryuichi his hand and helped pull the older man to his feet.

"Stay away from those ledges, Shu-chan." Ryuichi demanded, turning to hide the way his face pinked and the expression of mixed fear and pleasure. "They might just suck you down one of these days, na no da?" He strode away, leaving a very confused Shuichi in his wake.


	4. Chapter 4

a/n: I reached a bit of writer's block with this chapter, started it over and over again. The main bit of struggle with this chapter is a certain series of events I want to happen over the next few chapters and how to make them a coherent whole and not just a set of one-shots. But I think I finally have it, after my computer ate the last attempt. Thank you all for your favorites of the previous chapters, the watches, and the reviews! And thank you so much for your patience.

Chapter 4

Shuichi took the towel from Kei and wiped his face with it, sweat having formed while he was singing, bouncing around with his usual energy. Whatever it was that had put Shuichi in such a good mood, he wasn't being as open as normal about it.

Hiro wondered if the pink-haired singer was trying to kill them. Normally that was Kei's job, but Shuichi hadn't let them stop practicing all day, and they had already been at it for nearly six hours. He didn't know about Suguru but he could really use a break to get some water and something to eat, not to mention to visit the men's room. Just as he was about to say something, Shuichi started tapping his toe again.

"One more time... please? And then we can get something to eat and take an hour break?" Shuichi begged, looking between the synthesizer player and the guitarist.

Suguru groaned but positioned his fingers once again. Hiro strummed the strings slowly, getting ready. Kei stared, a mixture of pride and confusion on his face. What the hell was going on right now?

Ryuichi was having his own cram session with Tohma and Noriko, but they didn't rebel like Suguru and Hiro were close to doing. They let the singer decide when enough was enough. Though they did have to take a break when Tohma got a phone call. He smiled apologetically at the other two when he came back in, and they started practicing again.

Of course, the reason for all this frenzy was a concert that was coming up in a few weeks time. It was going to be the big debut for Bad Luck, they would be opening for Nittle Grasper. It was going to be the first time since that little blunder with their first concert that Shuichi and Ryuichi were going to be sharing a stage, albeit at different times.

Shuichi was so excited. He had been working on several new songs already, but he couldn't help the boundless energy that he felt at the thought of opening for Nittle Grasper. He hadn't slept the night before, after Kei had called him and told him the great news. Well, that wasn't the only reason he couldn't sleep.

He sighed as they ended the song and Hiro practically ran from the room. Suguru wasn't far behind him and the Bad Luck singer just smiled and took a drink of water. Maybe they would stop complaining about his work ethics now. Even Kei was sitting in a corner, looking tired. He looked at the microphone and then shrugged slightly.

Since the incident on the roof he had been pushing himself, and staying away from rooftops. He really had no longing to end his life. He took another drink of water and then decided, with an hour to spend doing nothing, he might as well go for a walk and clear his head.

The other reason he couldn't sleep was because he and Yuki had been fighting again. The writer had said that he couldn't write with Shuichi in the house because he was constantly distracting him. He hadn't meant to distract the author with his mad dancing to the Nittle Grasper CD that he had been playing. Things had gotten heated when Yuki threw the CD out the window and a car ran it over. Shuichi had actually been mad enough to stand up to Yuki. Which had ended him up in the house alone, listening to the water drip and the wind echo. Yuki had left without apology. Simply saying if Shuichi was quite through he was going to go to a hotel room, where he might be a little more productive.

Shuichi still hadn't the foggiest idea what had made him snap at Yuki. Other than that was his favorite Nittle Grasper CD, one that he had taken perfect care of since he had gotten it, one that didn't have a single scratch, and in a moment Yuki had destroyed it. He had never been angry with Yuki before, but suddenly he was. But even angry his feet led him to the house, which he tried to get into with his key.

The key didn't work. Shuichi looked at the worthless key in his hand and then at the door. He kicked it, which just made him hop around, eyes watering. If only he hadn't snapped back at Yuki. If only he hadn't been so angry. Maybe Yuki would be calm this morning. Though Yuki's anger was one of those things that you really didn't notice until he looked at you. Other than the iciness that seemed to radiate off of him. But that was something normal. It only got worse when he was mad.

But Yuuki had normally been amazed because Shuichi seemed to be completely immune to his angry iciness. Shuichi pounded on the door with his fist, striking it soon with two fists when he wasn't getting a response. Obviously Yuki had been home, still probably was home, and was just ignoring him.


End file.
